At the risk of appearing vulnerable (I'm not), I will bare a bit of my soul in the hope I may reveal some of who I am and to communicate what I believe are much needed values for men in today's world.
I think I speak for many men when I say, I don't fit in with our current culture. It is very difficult for me to make small talk, polite, meaningless chatter in social situations. Trivialities boor me, even worse incense me.
I have been told by people close to me over the years that I don't know how to have fun; that I don't get excited about things. I have been asked in a suggestive way if I have ever been happy. I do know how to have fun. I love hiking in the desert and in the mountains. I enjoy shooting and fishing. Riding horses is a delight to me. Amusement parks are a total waste of time for me. Disneyland was a big disappointment. Shopping, only as a necessity. Some movies are okay. I enjoy a good book, real conversation with friends and music that moves the soul and glorifies God. I have yet to understand the attraction of dancing, any kind. I do know how to have fun, but it is my kind of fun.
I do get excited about things. Not sports, not presents, not celebrities or most of the things that our hedonistic culture thrives on. What really gets me excited is heroism, courage, determination in the face of adversity, people who don't give up when things get difficult, sacrifice for the greater good, loyalty to God, family, and country. These things move me. When I see an old man pushing his wife through the mall in her wheelchair, I get real proud of them. When I see a child of God give Him praise through their tears out of a broken heart, something wonderful swells up within me and makes me want to shout. But, the one thing that really excites me is when I have the blessing of leading someone to Christ and they are born-again, I could easily burst with joy in my spirit. There is nothing more exciting than leading someone to Christ and seeing them become a new creature in Christ Jesus.
Happiness? Happiness comes and goes, depending on circumstances. I have an unquenchable source of joy, it comes from God. But, yes, I have been and often am happy. Recently I read a Facebook post and a blog that shared a thought about happiness. They stimulated my thinking about happiness, which led me to the thoughts in this post. Happiness is not a destination, it is not something for which we should strive. Happiness is a by-product of living. God's Word, the Bible, which is the foundation of my life and belief system does not promote happiness as a goal of life. Yet, today most who profess to be Christians and the churches they attend offer happiness as an incentive to come to Christ. No wonder so many fall by the wayside. The Christian life is not about happiness. It is about finding our purpose, fulfillment and meaning for our life in Christ Jesus. Sacrifice and loss may be involved in His purpose for us. This produces joy. Happiness may occur when circumstances are amiable.
To explain why my experiences of fun, excitement and happiness are not compatible with current culture I have to go back to the beginning for me. I came to Christ and was born-again two days after my seventeenth birthday. I was changed, my life was changed. It's direction, purpose and interests were redirected from that day, May 9, 1964. Within two years my world crashed and burned. All my desires and hopes were destroyed when my fiancee broke up with me and I couldn't restore the relationship. My heart was broken with such agony that I thought couldn't be endured. I was young then, later I found that most everyone has the experience of a broken heart at least once. Out of my brokenness came another step in the growth of my life in Christ. The grief brought me to an appointment with God, where He would truly become the Lord of my life. On a Sunday night before the evening church service, I sat in the dark in a corner of the fellowship hall and poured out my heart to God with tears that burned my eyes and flooded over my face. There, I prayed and surrendered the girl, my heart, and my life to my Lord for His purposes, regardless of the cost to me. That night I committed to Him, without reservation or conditions, to serve Him with all my heart, wherever He may lead. I have endeavored to be true to that commitment.
In the following years I have experienced a few more experiences of a broken-heart. All but one of them have been the result of love spurned. The one other, was the night I sat in the orange chairs of the surgical waiting room. The doctor told me that I should not expect the baby to live and there was little hope of my young wife's survival. To describe the agony is difficult. I couldn't sit, read, or even pray in faith. I was alone, facing the greatest fear I have experienced. I think wrestling with God might describe what was going on. I was blaming God and then praising Him, back and forth until the end result was total surrender of everyone and everything in my life to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. After the tears and brokenness came peace. Peace like waves breaking on the shore rolled over my soul and I was able to sit and read until the nurse brought out the baby and the news that the mother and baby were both fine.
What my life has been, as a result of these experiences, is one of surrender to and dedication to my Lord Jesus Christ. I have endeavored to be faithful to Him since that night in the church fellowship hall. I have made some mistakes (not as many as some think) and I have failed more times than I can remember, but what I haven't done is, QUIT. I have not changed my course from following Jesus, from serving Him with all my heart. He must be first. My brokenness has not been without purpose. Romans 8:28 is as true today as when Paul put his signature to the letter. God is faithful and He has a purpose for every tear shed and every broken heart yielded to Him. No, I am not always happy, God never said I would be.
I have purpose and meaning for my life and it is all wrapped up in my Lord Jesus Christ. There are things that mean much more to me than happiness, more than "fun" and they are exciting and they bring joy. Courage, tenacity, faithfulness, loyalty, duty, honor, and integrity are not just words to me, they are a way of life for a man surrendered to Christ Jesus who will serve Him with all that he has till Christ returns and relieves him of duty.
It is a joy to be enlisted in His service, and I am proud to be one of His own. If you think I am weird, you may be right, but I am committed to Him and that leaves me out of step with the world. Gladly I stand on His side.
