SUCCESS WITH GOD

There is an impossible chasm between God and mankind. Between every person and God, that includes you and I.

It is so wide and so deep that no amount of human effort and ingenuity could ever span it.  It wasn't always this way and it doesn't have to stay this way.

God did not create the chasm and He doesn't want it to exist. The problem started with the first man and the first woman that God made. We know them as Adam and Eve.  They were both created by God, in His own image.  They were the only part of His immense creation that was patterned after the image of God.  God is holy, righteous, loving, and just.  Adam and Eve were holy because God is holy.  Their relationship with God was completely the result of their love and loyalty to their creator.

The chasm developed after God assigned Adam and Eve roles and responsibilities on the Earth.  He created a special garden in a place called Eden.  He put Adam in charge of it and He assigned Eve the role of being Adam's helper, the role she was created for.  For an unknown period of time, they took care of the garden and would fellowship with God whenever He came by to see them.  God had instructed Adam that he could eat any of the fruit from any of the trees in the garden but one. Adam understood that and told Eve of their liberty and their one restriction.  

Enter SIN!
God's enemy, that we know as Satan, is powerless against God.  He hates God because God is holy and just, because Satan rebelled against God and was judged severely for doing so.  In his desire to hurt God, he determined to hurt Him by attacking those that God loved because they were created in His image, Adam and Eve.  One day Satan approached Eve with a question designed to cause doubt of God's holiness.  He said, " Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?" Genesis 3:1 She responded with what Adam had told her, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die." Genesis 3:2,3 First his question, then his lie, "Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:4,5 Eve was deceived by his lie, so she examined the fruit of the one forbidden tree, liked it, picked it and ate it.  So far no consequence, she didn't die, so she gave it to Adam.  Adam was the one made responsible by God, he was the one that received the command.  Adam was the god of the Garden of Eden and the world, under the authority of the creator and he was Satan's prime target.  Eve offered the fruit to Adam, who was there with her.  He saw that she ate it with no consequence, so he too doubted God and chose to listen to the voice of Eve rather than the voice of God.  Adam ate the fruit, to his destruction, knowing that it was forbidden. Genesis 3:6 After he ate the fruit, the consequence of his action came upon them both.  "And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons." Genesis 3:7
They knew they were guilty of rebelling against God's Word. They tried to cover their nakedness and they hid, the same response to guilt that we all have today.  The chasm has a holy, righteous, loving, and just creator on one side and on the other, rebellious, sinful humanity.

Death is the consequence of Sin.
Sin is the transgression of God's law; falling short of the righteousness of God, and doing what we know not to do. Adam and Eve did all of these.  They sinned against God. Their only sin was choosing to listen to another authority than God.  As a result of their sin, God had to judge them because of their rebellion, just as He did Satan, and this was Satan's goal.  He wanted God to have to sentence God's image bearers to death and cause God pain.  Because God is not only righteous, but also just, He had to sentence Adam and Eve to death or He would not be true to His own character. That day God's favorite creation died. They were separated from God because of their one sin, no longer connected to the source of life, they were dead spiritually and would eventually die physically.

God is also LOVING!
In addition to God being holy, righteous, and just, He is also loving.  In fact, God is described by the Apostle John with one word and that describes His nature and character.  "God is LOVE." 1 John 4:16  God manifests Himself in three persons that we know as the Father, the Son (Jesus the Christ), and the Holy Spirit.  God is never taken by surprise, He had a contingency plan in place before the world was ever formed. God will demonstrate His love in the face of His holiness and justice. At a predetermined time in this world's history, the Father sent Jesus into the world to be the sacrificial offering to pay for Adam's sin and all mankind that would descend from Adam.  The plan was put into action in the garden of Eden, though it would be thousands of years before the culmination of the atonement.  God began by killing animals to make covering robes to cover Adam and Eve's nakedness (the evidence of their sin and guilt) and He then sent them out of the garden to till the soil and make a living from it.

God makes a way!
After they were expelled from the garden, God began the next phase of demonstrating His justice and love.  At just one location, the east side of Eden, He placed Cherubims (a powerful rank of angels) and one flaming sword, to keep the way of the tree of life. Genesis 3:24 God is keeping the door open for Adam and his descendants to come back to God, but they must come through the prescribed Door.  Many centuries later, Jesus would say, "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture." John 10:9   In the intervening years, God established the practice of animal sacrifice as a means of keeping His provision before mankind's awareness.  The animals were not a sufficient sacrifice, but they were a reminder of the sacrifice that God Himself will one day make. People, when making their sacrifices were acting in faith of the promise of God regarding the Savior to come.  To make sure that the Son of God would be known and recognized when He came, the Father selected one man and his descendants to become a nation (Abraham, Israel) to be the channel through which the Messiah or Savior would descend.  He gave them a body of laws that would keep them unique among all the nations of the Earth.  He also provided them with prophets and priests that would proclaim prophetic identifiers of the Messiah, i.e. what tribe, what city, peculiar points unique to Him, even some of His names.  It was God's purpose for this people and nation to present the Messiah to the world, that He might atone for the sin of Adam's rebellion (the sin we have all inherited). 

THE ATONEMENT!
At the precise predetermined time in history, Jesus was born to a woman who was a virgin (key identifier), a humanly impossible event, but divinely planned and performed.  The result, the perfect sinless God/man.  The only one qualified to pay the price for Adam's sin.  He was the fulfillment of every hope held, when an animal sacrifice was made, looking forward in faith of God's promise.  The cross ministry of Jesus the Christ bridged the chasm between God and man. Jesus satisfied God's justice and demonstrated His love. Jesus said, "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6  Jesus is the way that was kept open and the door through which we may come back to a loving Heavenly Father.  Jesus is the ONLY WAY back to God, there is no other way, no other price that can be paid.  Anything and everything else is woefully insufficient, it's like sewing fig leaves together and hiding from God.

Crossing the BRIDGE to God and life.
God sent His Son Jesus to be the perfect sacrifice for Adam's sin and that of all his descendants. John 3:16 That's good news, but what must I do to benefit from it?  Here's the answer from several Biblical references: "Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand." Isaiah 53:10  Like Adam and Eve, most people try to cover the evidence of their own sin, some by trying to be really good, some by giving sacrificially, or others by creating a narrative that denies any responsibility to God. None of it works, that is why Jesus came, died and rose from the dead, to do for us what we couldn't ever do on our own. Therefore anything we bring to God to atone for our sin of rebellion is offensive to God.  The only offering that is acceptable is God's crucified and resurrected Son, Jesus. That's why our text says "make His soul an offering for sin". We submit to God's authority by bringing that which is required, in the way that God demands and for the reason God purposed, we are restored to fellowship with our Creator, who is then also our Redeemer.  "But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God." John 1:12,13  Two important words in this text, BELIEVE & RECEIVE.  Believe who Jesus is and what He did for us, enough that we will actually receive Him as our Savior, His death and blood is the only acceptable offering to present to God and we will (at that time) be born again, become a new person from the inside out.  "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."Romans 10:13  "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." Hebrews 11:6   When we come to God through Christ, we leave the rebellion and begin living as the new person that God created us to be, of course, with His help. Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17  

On the other side of the Bridge
On God's side of the bridge, after passing over the chasm and united with our Creator and Redeemer, the issue of Adam's SIN has been dealt with completely. In God's view, we are a new creation, with new life forever. However, we will find that we have a lot of baggage from our old life to deal with. This baggage is  habits, attitudes, and history developed while we were in rebellion against God.  These are the sins, the deeds and attitudes developed during our separation from God, an unavoidable consequence of Adam's sin of rebellion. All this baggage was all atoned for at the cross, when Jesus died for us.  It is now a matter of growth, deliverance, and discipline.  The third manifestation of God (making the trinity) is the Holy Spirit.  When we come to God in Christ, believing and then receive Christ and His offering, the Holy Spirit comes into our life and lives within us, making us the new creature that we now are.  It is His job to comfort us, guide us, correct us, and when necessary discipline us.  God will NEVER punish us for past or future sins (baggage), because Jesus already took punishment that for us at the cross, but the Holy Spirit will help us mature in the Christ life.  "And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Hebrew 12:5,6   

Baggage Handling
Old habits and attitudes can be challenging to overcome.  For this reason God doesn't leave it up to us alone,  He helps.  "As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious." 1 Peter 2:2,3   "But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen."  2 Peter 3:18   "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15   When the baggage (sins - works of the flesh Galatians 5:19-21)  shows up on the doorstep of our life, here's what to do about it: "If we say that we have no sin (works of the flesh), we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." 1 John 1:8-10  We own up to it, we confess it to God, we are cleansed by God, and we don't pick up the baggage, leave it behind.  We do this every time baggage shows up, it's not ours, it belongs to the old us.  
Avoiding the baggage.  Here are the tools for getting rid of the old baggage:  Bible reading, prayer, believing God, and fellow-shipping with other believers (church = assembling).

Being a new creation
Being a new creation is not something we have achieved.  It is the miraculous work of our loving Lord, He does all the work. We are new and we can and should, live new.  It's a process, so don't be discouraged when we falter or fail.  Just start again each time you stumble.  God doesn't expect us to start out in the same place that others are at after walking with Him for decades.  We all start sometime and the key to success is "don't quit".  Read your Bible, believe God when He says you are a new creation 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20, and DON'T QUIT!

Christ First, Not Ethnicity

In the last few years I have been exposed to old  doctrines that are making a comeback.  They are usually resurrected to the public eye in the arena of racial strife. 

First I read of the doctrine that is similar to British-Israelism. This states that the white people of Celtic, Anglo Saxon, Norman, Germanic, and Scandinavian descent are the ten tribes of the northern part of Israel.  Some presentations make them ALL the twelve tribes of Israel.  

Second I have more recently read of a doctrine promoted by a group called Hebrew Israelites.  This doctrine states that certain black Africans from the west coast of Africa are the true Hebrews and therefore the Biblical Israelites.

One thing that both groups have in common is the view that they are superior or the original people of God, to the discrediting of all other racial or national groups.  Another thing they have in common is an effort to follow and keep select precepts from the Mosaic law.  Neither group keeps the whole law, making their efforts an invalid practice.

Both groups promote racial hatred and bitterness, therefore denying the grace of God.  Both groups rely on manipulating Scripture with a large dose of selected and sympathetic, though questionable, extra-biblical writings to build their case.

I believe that I can show from the Word of God alone that both these positions are erroneous, but that is not apropos for this article. So, another time and piece.

My purpose for this article is to help us come to a genuine Biblical position that will promote peace and brotherhood in the Christ honoring world.  Obviously, to restrict it to Christ honoring people, means we will not solve the world's problem with racism.  However, if we who love the Lord can come together on a Christ honoring position, we may then, have a better opportunity to affect the way the world thinks.

1. No where does the Word of God make distinction regarding intermarriage on the basis of race.  It is always in regard to beliefs and loyalty to the one true God, the God of the Bible.
2. There are two times in world history where all people are of the same family; Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and Noah and his family on the ark.  To deny this, is to deny the Bible and therefore, you have no place in this discussion.  All people, all racial distinctions come through these two men, Adam and Noah.  No one really knows how or when racial distinctions developed, so please, quit propagating mythological explanations as reality when they are nothing more than theory, theory that cannot be substantiated.
3. It doesn't matter what color Adam or Moses was, UNLESS, you are endeavoring to promote some kind of racial superiority.  I have theories on this too, but this isn't an article about theory.
4. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."  World doesn't have a modifier to restrict ethnicity or color.   Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;".  ALL have sinned, no racial distinction.
5. There are only two important distinctions among people today and all people fall into one or the other of these two.  Age, gender, ethnicity or race does not enter in to the qualifications for either group.  They are: the saved or lost, the Heaven bound or the Hell bound, the quick or the dead, the sinner or the saint (not the Catholic version), the twice born or the once born.  Where are you in this list?  If you are a saved, Heaven bound, living (quick), saint of God who has truly been born again, you are part of the family of God.
6. The distinction of being in the family of God supersedes any ethnic or racial superiority priority.  I am blessed to have met and known men and women who are of African, Hispanic, Asian, and European ancestry who consider me to be a brother in Christ.  2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."  If you claim any other priority as first in your life than that of being a child of God, you have fallen victim to one or more of the race baiters of varying colors. Escape, flee, run for your spiritual sanity from anyone that would cause you to give preference to anything above being a child of God.  There is NO RACIAL DISTINCTION in the family of God, NONE!!!
7. God has designated our behavior as a born-again child of God, as a member of His family and His kingdom.  That behavior includes Matthew 6:33, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Also, Colossians 3:17, "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."
8. We were, once, black, brown, yellow?, white, or any variation on the theme, BUT now, we are a new creature in Christ Jesus, created in righteousness, for His praise and His glory.  We, in turn, benefit as we faithfully follow Him.
9. If you identify first by racial status, you then incorporate in your status and therefore your pride, all parts of the social spectrum of your race.  Foolish indeed to identify with thugs and outlaws of your color against your brothers and sisters in the family of God.
10. Let us build our life on Christ, not our secular culture. For the child of God, there is no ethnic culture.  There is kingdom/family culture with Christ on the throne.
11. Born-again child of God, first and foremost, devil takes the hindmost, but I will stand with my God family against the ungodly ethnic family.  I have chosen.  What do you choose to do?

GETTING TO KNOW DAD

My Dad was born April 18, 1919 at Tennessee Ridge, Tennessee.  His parents were John Berlin Whitten and Tennessee Porter McGee Whitten.  He was their second child, the first died as an infant, leaving Dad to be the first born, practically speaking.  By the time he was 9 months old the family was living in Alabama, just down the road from his paternal grandfather.  Sometime soon after that the family was back in Tennessee making a living farming on rented farmland.  Dad worked hard as a boy and learned many skills, but getting along with his Dad was the most difficult and unsuccessful effort he experienced.  After a conflict with his father in 1939, Dad left home and joined the U.S. Army.  He trained first as a mechanic in a motor transport unit, but when Pearl Harbor was attacked, he volunteered for the 101^st Airborne and according to what he told me, made nine combat jumps and was wounded twice.  After the war, he was discharged at Fort Custer in Michigan and moved to Pontiac, Michigan where his parents had moved during the war for a job.  There he met and married a young Michigan girl who became my mother, Phyllis Deloris Haskill.  He was twenty-seven and she was seventeen when they married.  Together they produced six children that lived to maturity and one son that died at birth along with several miscarriages.  He died February 26, 1998 in Pontiac, Michigan.

The above information is the kind of knowledge one gathers doing genealogy research, but that doesn’t enable me to really know Dad.  To share with you who he was, I will share some memories from my childhood.  These are my memories, I think each of my siblings will have a different set because we were growing and Dad was growing also and we each touched his life at different times.

My first memory of Dad is from my fifth year, just before starting school.  He had just purchased the house the family grew up in.  The address was 83 N. Eastway Drive, Pontiac, Michigan.  The one acre property sat on the north side of a hill.  The house was an unfinished shell, framed, roofed, sided and nothing else, a real project.  Dad, myself and our dog Zip had gone to the new house to look it over.  We sat on a stump that was in front of the house.  He, I’m sure was considering the work before him or dreaming of what he could make of it.  I was watching Zip hunt and kill garter snakes when I noticed a war going on between a hill of red ants against a hill of black ants.  I told Dad about it.  I don’t remember what he said, but I do remember that he talked to me as a person and not on a parent/child level.

My second memory was a couple of years later, we had moved into the house and the family went for a walk in the woods, over the Clinton River.  We had to cross the Grand Trunk Railroad trestle to get to our destination.  I can’t say what the other kids thought but I was afraid that I would fall between the ties or off the edge.  Dad carried two of us over at a time, two trips and then he had to go back for Mom for she wasn’t overly brave about it either.  Guess I came by it naturally.

My third memory is a little different.  One of his co-workers at Pontiac Motors Division was building a house and many of his friends were going to help him frame it.  Dad took me, my brothers Tom (Wayne) and Terry.  We played while the men worked.  I remember there being a lot of beer and a lot of foul language.  But what stood out to me was that Dad was different, he didn’t use the foul language that the others did.  Somehow that caught my attention.

Somewhere about the same time comes another memory.  This one is where I learned a valuable lesson, one that I wouldn’t realize until many years later.  To provide a place of shelter from the tornado threats that occurred each year, Dad began to dig a basement hole in the crawl space under the house.  He would throw the dirt to the north end of the space and when there was no longer room to put more, my brothers and I were given the job of raking it back, throwing it out an opening in the foundation and haul it away in our wheelbarrow.  I hated doing it, I hated him for making me do it, I complained at every opportunity.  At times I was so angry, I would have done him great bodily harm if I were big enough.  But, in that hole is where I learned how to work, regardless of conditions and circumstances.  This is probably the greatest gift he gave me. 

When I was in fifth grade, I made the mistake of quoting my teacher to Dad.  She was wrong and I was wrong for saying it, but I was already ignorant of many things.  Dad was very proud of his southern heritage.  I said, (quoting) “People in the south respect the CSA battle flag more than the American flag”.  Dad didn’t say anything, he just got up and left the room.  I knew that I had hurt him and disregarded his patriotism.  I didn’t know at that time how easy it is to have conflicting loyalties, I do now.  I disrespected his service as an airborne warrior and his loyalty to our country.  I hope he forgave me later or now in Heaven, it was ignorance and lack of respect on my part.

When I was fourteen and a paper carrier, I was at the soda fountain in the lower level of the S.S. Kresge store spending my hard-earned money on a hot fudge sundae.  To my complete surprise, Dad came in and sat down next to me and ordered a Vernor’s ginger ale.  We chatted just a little and he finished his drink.  As he was leaving he said, “Next time try getting a milkshake, it will be better for you”.  He was being a friend, not a parent in that encounter.

The evening of high school graduation, Dad let me use the first new car he ever had to go out with my friends.  Showing off, I revved the engine in neutral and dropped the shifter into drive to lay a patch of rubber.  I broke the drive shaft and had to call him.  He was cool and calm, not what I expected.  His only comment was that it shouldn’t have broken and must have been a defective shaft.

These are the memories that stand out to me.  There are many more that float around in my brain.  Meals that he would fix when Mom was working, him sitting and educating himself by reading through the Colliers Encyclopedia and later the Britannica.  There were also spankings (deserved), working in the large garden, arguments between the parents (frequent), drinking instant coffee that he poured in a saucer first.  But the one that seems to be the most poignant for me was what he did on a very cold winter day when we had run out of fuel oil for the stove in the living room.  Dad put on his cap and light denim jacket (he called it a jumper) and picked up a five-gallon fuel can and walked the mile and a half up to the service station and back carrying the can full of oil.  No complaining, just doing what was necessary.  I still find myself standing at the back porch, watching him disappear into the heavily falling snow.  This really impacted me in ways I still can’t explain except by comparing it to some of the sacrificial tasks that I have done as a husband and father.

In sharing these memories, I want to do what his pastor, Eddie Jones said at Dad’s funeral.  The one thing I remember him saying, “keep the grain and lose the chaff”.  Dad wasn’t perfect, none of us are.  He like us, was a product of his time, environment and faith.  His childhood wasn’t easy and the horrors of war haunted him.  He had dreams of returning to Tennessee and having a small farm, but the dreams faded with the passing years.  Resignation to staying in Michigan may have made him a little cranky and touchy, but he would still break out in a smile when something funny struck him.

I guess what I want to say here is that my Dad had marks of greatness about him that went un-noticed by his family, at least by me.  Some of his attributes of greatness that occurred before I came on the scene involved guns, knives and jumping out of planes, surviving the winter in the Ardennes Forest of Belgium surrounded by enemy troops.  But I think the more significant marks of greatness came after the war.  One of those mysterious things occurred in 1946.  Somehow a girlfriend became pregnant and a southern man and a northern girl did the right thing (according to their lights) and got married.  Dad loved Mom, but I’m not sure the love was reciprocated, but they made the best of it and we all came through childhood relatively ok.

Dad was faithful.  I witnessed a couple scenes as an eight-year-old of Dad with a baby-sitter and reported it to Mom.  In retrospect what I saw may have been perfectly innocent or at the time a momentary lapse of judgement.   I never knew what transpired between my parents in private.  It was never mentioned in my hearing again.  He was home every night.  He worked hard every day at the factory and then at home, in the basement, in the garden or working on the house.  If one has never done it, the heroism of going to the same job, day after day and year after year seems passé.  But it does take courage, resilience, determination and a purpose greater than the pain to keep going back day after day and year after year.

Dad was:

1.     Courageous.

2.     Honest.

3.     Faithful.

4.     Dedicated.

5.     Visionary.

6.     Determined (stubborn too).

7.     Gentle.

8.     Loving.

9.     Talented.

10.Inquisitive.

11.Strong.

12.Good looking.

13.Unselfish.

14.Loyal.

15.Forgiving.

16.Resilient.

As I write this list, many more stories come to mind illustrating his good qualities, too many to share here.

I didn’t realize that he had these qualities as a boy or young man and there is a reason that I didn’t know about them. That reason is that he couldn’t and wouldn’t tell us his strengths and value because that wasn’t his job.  It was Mom’s job to elevate and build up the father in the children’s eyes.  That didn’t happen because she didn’t know that it was her job.  On many occasions, I remember, maternal grandparents coming over and ridiculing and criticizing what Dad did to the house, how he provided for the family or the kind of car he drove.  They did it with laughing scorn, but it was serious and increasingly destructive as it was repeated over the years.  After all their sons, were all doing quite well and were successful business men.  Those sons, my uncles and Mom’s big brothers were adored in her eyes.  They were her rock when their Dad deserted the family during the depression.  The brothers all served during the war also and were really nice guys, in Mom’s eyes they were the standard to measure everyone else, including her husband.  When the grandparents made light of Dad, it undercut any admiration and respect she may have had for Dad.  She was unable to build him up the eyes of us children because he did not have that status in her own view.  The diminishing of fathers by mothers is quickly absorbed as normal behavior and attitude by the children.  That’s the way it was for me as a child and youth.  I didn’t know that I should have been proud of him and want to pattern myself after him.  Instead, I developed a low view of Dad and a sort of competitive spirit.  Now, I only hope to measure up.   He never owned much, but he was proud of what he did have and was proud of his family.  He struggled financially with a blue-collar job, a large family and a wife that had many physical problems in the early years of their marriage, but I never felt we were poor or less than anyone else in importance.  Somewhere in all this story is a place where the commandment to Honor father and mother fits perfectly.  I wish we had been taught to do so.

Dad has been gone for almost twenty years and he looms larger in my sight now than ever before.  Like many kids, I wish I had known him for who he really was when I could have shown my respect and admiration.  I know there was a good amount of chaff to him, but somehow that is getting harder to recall each year.  I hope that everyone who reads this can overlook the chaff in their own parental history and with each other and start again storing up the good grain.  Isn’t that what we want others to do for us?  That is what God does for us all, He leaves the chaff behind when we pass through the Blood of Christ to salvation and the New Birth.  I am thankful to honestly say that I believe that both my parents we believers and on their way to Heaven, sorting out baggage along the way.

I conclude by saying that I am happy to be getting to know Dad.

John Larence Whitten                                                                                  June 18, 2017

Left and Right - Where it began

This post belongs in the "For what it's worth" category.  I have been thinking and praying about the differences between the left and right wings of American politics quite a bit this last year.  I've tried to narrow the scope to the differences among those who profess to be Christians and are so diametrically opposed to each other.  This election cycle has, in my observation, created a greater divide among Christians than at any other time in my memory.  This was and is troubling to me.  I believe the Lord has allowed me to see the root of the division.  I want to share it with you, if you can take the time to read this.

Recently, I responded to a post by a man who is a pastor in the United Methodist Church. We disagreed, but it was clear that he was just as convinced of the righteousness of his position as I felt about mine.  There was no pettiness involved, we were both sincere and polite in the division.  I can see no room for compromise by either of us.  This dialogue is what the Lord used to begin my understanding of the problem.  The obvious contention was our understanding of the Gospel and the ministry that Jesus intended for His churches to engage in.  

A little background might help me explain.  In the late 1960's or early 1970 a group of religious leaders met in Baltimore to plan an evangelistic out reach that would reach all of America with the Gospel.  More than 100 denominations and religious organizations planned to evangelize the nation in 1973.  By the time 1973 rolled around, the great plan was just a fizzle of smoke that had no glimmer of the intended goal.  The reason for the failure is directly tied to the reality of such definite differences between organizations that they could not agree on what the gospel message was.  To some, it was sharing the message of the redemption of the soul through faith in the blood of Christ and at the other end of the spectrum was the concept of redeeming society and culture by ensuring civil rights for minorities and/or feeding the hungry and housing the homeless.  In essence the difference was between a spiritual gospel and a social gospel.  One side of the spectrum saw the ministry as meeting the needs of people in the here and now, because they believed that in every person resides a spark of good and God that just needs to be fanned into flame to accomplish God's plan.  The other side saw the ministry as preaching the Word to the subverting of the soul and becoming a child of God, because they believed that no one is worthy of Heaven and have no hope apart from being born again through Christ.  I belong to the second, the conservative end of the spectrum, the right if you will.  The other end is the left, the liberal end of the spectrum.  These differences have always existed, it's nothing new.  However, since the end of WWII there has been a greater emphasis on getting along with each other.  The ecumenical movement has become mainstream, with major efforts in the religious community to sacrifice basic differences for the purpose of unity.

Unity outside individual congregations does not work.  When it is required that basic doctrinal stands must be set aside for unity the cost is too high  when applied across denominational lines.  When compromise is made it is almost without exception, the conservative right that makes the compromises.  Unity sounds like such a great idea, after all.  The drive for unity is taken from John 17, where Jesus prayed that the apostles would be one as Jesus and the Father are one.  I maintain that this can only happen in local, close knit groups, where people are already of one mind on doctrine and polity.  It cannot exist in larger groups without some one surrendering to the opposing point of view.  Conservative (right wing) Christians have always been the ones to give in and compromise Biblical truth.  As a result, we see liberal churches accepting as members and even ordaining to the pastoral ministry, practicing homosexuals.  They are also ordaining women to pastoral ministries, both practices are distinctly forbidden by Scripture.   That's bad, but the worst is that conservative churches are failing to maintain a distinctive Biblical position and are not refraining from fellowship with those on the liberal side.    

In recent years the left/liberal side has grown because of a shift of the right to a closer to center position.    For this move toward center to occur, the right has had to abandon Biblical truth and become more comfortable with the social gospel of the left.  BTW, the social gospel is no gospel at all.  It is tragic to go to Hell with good clothes and a full belly.   As a result the left has become emboldened to push their "gospel" agenda, which involves massive social programs.  Somewhere along the course, government has espoused the agenda of the liberal religious crowd. Socialism and communism have always employed the same agenda as the liberal religious group because it aides them in their quest to bring government control over all of the citizens life, from the cradle to the grave.  

Liberal/left wing "Christians" believe and practice the program of meeting peoples needs as a function of society and government.  Take care of people, meet their needs even at the cost of their liberty; that is the mantra of the left.  "It is your Christian duty to feed the hungry, heal the sick, clothe the naked," is the cry of the left/liberals.  They find Jesus saying something like that and it sounds so noble.  However, they fail to look at Jesus in context. He also said, " You will have the poor with you always."  The ministry of feeding and clothing the needy is not a universal responsibility.  It is the task of churches for their own members to fulfill, not everyone in general.   

God's program and that of most of the conservative groups is that of personal responsibility, cared for in the family unit and then on a larger scale, the congregation.  Paul recorded, "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."  2 Thessalonians 3:10
"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."  1 Timothy 5:8
Personal responsibility puts us in a position of depending on God when we have done our best and still have need.  We will come to Him in need and cry out to Him for mercy, willing to be obedient, changing our behavior and mind-set to come under His blessing and provision.  When society/government meets our needs they are supplanting God.  This supplanting is in keeping with the goals of the liberal, socialist agenda.  It is no mistake that all the socialist, communist, left wing governments are atheistic.   In the Democrat national convention of the last presidential election, references to God were rejected by the party members with loud booing each of the three times God was mentioned.  God has been ejected from the party of the left.  Many of the liberal religious have denied the deity of Christ and the inspiration of Scripture.   There is no room among them for a God who judges people on the basis of His righteousness, they demand that HUMANISM be the doctrine of American religious.  They will not move toward center because that would mean compromise, so they insist that the right move further and further left until most are past center and they don't even realize how far they have moved.

Ecumenicism has ruined America.  Most genuine Christians have lost their moorings because of efforts like Key 73.  It sounds good to be unified and help poor people and everyone just get along lovingly.  The only problem with that syrupy sweet idea, is that it is impossible, it will not work.  God has never been in the business of unifying everyone.  To the contrary, He is about separation and division.  Separate yourself unto Christ and you will see the widening gulf between yourself and other religionists.  God divides families, congregations, cities and nations with one issue, Christ Jesus, are you with Him or against Him, that is the question.  Unfortunately, many denominations and religious groups have decided to side with the world system and left wing, liberal humanism than with the Son of God.  One is easily religious, but lost.

Conclusion: The political and religious have polarized to extreme ends of left and right, with the middle constantly shifting back and forth with whatever plate of promises are being served by the parties, both political and religious.  What we are seeing in 2017 America is the fight between God and humanity waging fiercely, more so than ever before.  Common ground is vanishing before our eyes.  There is no room for compromise with a religious and political establishment that boos God out of their convention and embraces the wholesale murder of babies as a human right.  It is my considered opinion that it is now impossible to be an informed, dedicated Christian and a practicing member of the Democrat party and the socialist left.                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

FUN, EXCITEMENT, AND HAPPINESS ARE OVER-RATED

At the risk of appearing vulnerable (I'm not), I will bare a bit of my soul in the hope I may reveal some of who I am and to communicate what I believe are much needed values for men in today's world.  

I think I speak for many men when I say, I don't fit in with our current culture.  It is very difficult for me to make small talk, polite, meaningless chatter in social situations. Trivialities boor me, even worse incense me.   

I have been told by people close to me over the years that I don't know how to have fun; that I don't get excited about things.  I have been asked in a suggestive way if I have ever been happy.  I do know how to have fun.  I love hiking in the desert and in the mountains.  I enjoy shooting and fishing.  Riding horses is a delight to me.  Amusement parks are a total waste of time for me.  Disneyland was a big disappointment.  Shopping, only as a necessity.  Some movies are okay.  I enjoy a good book, real conversation with friends  and music that moves the soul and glorifies God.  I have yet to understand the attraction of dancing, any kind.  I do know how to have fun, but it is my kind of fun.

I do get excited about things.  Not sports, not presents, not celebrities or most of the things that our hedonistic culture thrives on.  What really gets me excited is heroism, courage, determination in the face of adversity, people who don't give up when things get difficult, sacrifice for the greater good, loyalty to God, family, and country.  These things move me. When I see an old man pushing his wife through the mall in her wheelchair, I get real proud of them.  When I see a child of God give Him praise through their tears out of a broken heart, something wonderful swells up within me and makes me want to shout.  But, the one thing that really excites me is when I have the blessing of leading someone to Christ and they are born-again, I could easily burst with joy in my spirit.  There is nothing more exciting than leading someone to Christ and seeing them become a new creature in Christ Jesus.

Happiness?  Happiness comes and goes, depending on circumstances.  I have an unquenchable source of joy, it comes from God.  But, yes, I have been and often am happy. Recently I read a Facebook post and a blog that shared a thought about happiness.  They stimulated my thinking about happiness, which led me to the thoughts in this post. Happiness is not a destination, it is not something for which we should strive.  Happiness is a by-product of living.  God's Word, the Bible, which is the foundation of my life and belief system does not promote happiness as a goal of life.  Yet, today most who profess to be Christians and the churches they attend offer happiness as an incentive to come to Christ. No wonder so many fall by the wayside.  The Christian life is not about happiness.  It is about finding our purpose, fulfillment and meaning for our life in Christ Jesus. Sacrifice and loss may be involved in His purpose for us. This produces joy.  Happiness may occur when circumstances are amiable.

To explain why my experiences of fun, excitement and happiness are not compatible with current culture I have to go back to the beginning for me.  I came to Christ and was born-again two days after my seventeenth birthday.  I was changed, my life was changed.  It's direction, purpose and interests were redirected from that day, May 9, 1964.  Within two years my world crashed and burned.  All my desires and hopes were destroyed when my fiancee broke up with me and I couldn't restore the relationship.  My heart was broken with such agony that I thought couldn't be endured.  I was young then, later I found that most everyone has the experience of a broken heart at least once.  Out of my brokenness came another step in the growth of my life in Christ.  The grief brought me to an appointment with God, where He would truly become the Lord of my life.  On a Sunday night before the evening church service, I sat in the dark in a corner of the fellowship hall and poured out my heart to God with tears that burned my eyes and flooded over my face.  There, I prayed and surrendered the girl, my heart, and my life to my Lord for His purposes, regardless of the cost to me.  That night I committed to Him, without reservation or conditions, to serve Him with all my heart, wherever He may lead.  I have endeavored to be true to that commitment.

In the following years I have experienced a few more experiences of a broken-heart.  All but one of them have been the result of love spurned.  The one other, was the night I sat in the orange chairs of the surgical waiting room.  The doctor told me that I should not expect the baby to live and there was little hope of my young wife's survival.  To describe the agony is difficult.  I couldn't sit, read, or even pray in faith.  I was alone, facing the greatest fear I have experienced.  I think wrestling with God might describe what was going on.  I was blaming God and then praising Him, back and forth until the end result was total surrender of everyone and everything in my life to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  After the tears and brokenness came peace.  Peace like waves breaking on the shore rolled over my soul and I was able to sit and read until the nurse brought out the baby and the news that the mother and baby were both fine. 

What my life has been, as a result of these experiences, is one of surrender to and dedication to my Lord Jesus Christ.  I have endeavored to be faithful to Him since that night in the church fellowship hall.  I have made some mistakes (not as many as some think) and I have failed more times than I can remember, but what I haven't done is, QUIT.  I have not changed my course from following Jesus, from serving Him with all my heart. He must be first.  My brokenness has not been without purpose.  Romans 8:28 is as true today as when Paul put his signature to the letter.  God is faithful and He has a purpose for every tear shed and every broken heart yielded to Him.  No, I am not always happy, God never said I would be.

I have purpose and meaning for my life and it is all wrapped up in my Lord Jesus Christ. There are things that mean much more to me than happiness, more than "fun" and they are exciting and they bring joy.  Courage, tenacity, faithfulness, loyalty, duty, honor, and integrity are not just words to me, they are a way of life for a man surrendered to Christ Jesus who will serve Him with all that he has till Christ returns and relieves him of duty.  

It is a joy to be enlisted in His service,  and I am proud to be one of His own.  If you think I am weird, you may be right, but I am committed to Him and that leaves me out of step with the world.  Gladly I stand on His side.

Feminine Formula For A Godly Marriage

Christian ladies, those of you who are wives or desire to be wives, how serious are you about having a good, Christ honoring marriage?  Do you want to have a marriage that is fulfilling and satisfying to your soul, that enjoys the rich blessings of God?  If you do, there is only one way to attain such a marriage.  It is less about finding the right man as it is about being the right woman.  

It is important to understand that this world's concept of marriage is all wrong from the beginning.  A good marriage is not about romance.  It is about truth and godliness.  The sweetness of romance grows from a root of truth and godliness.  The root must be established before the blossoms flourish. Let me ask some more questions to direct our thoughts.  As a Christian woman, are you fully surrendered to the lordship of Christ?  Does He get to call the shots in your life?  If yes, we can continue.  If not, don't bother reading further until you are surrendered to Christ, because the rest of this article doesn't pertain to you and you will simply disdain it and go your way, the way of the world.

God has designed marriage for His glory and for our benefit.  For men and particularly women to enjoy the benefit of His design, we MUST implement His design in our marriage.

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." I Corinthians  11:3

This is the outline that God gives us of His design, the organizational structure.  The, who does what of marriage.  Perhaps we are also familiar with the next passage that gives us more detail. 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."  Ephesians 5:22-33

These two passages touch on the critical issues  for women in marriage.  The world's view of marriage has the husband and wife equally sharing leadership and authority.  The Word of God tells us there is an organizational structure with the husband as the head of the wife and family.  Women affected by the world's point of view find this hard to accept because they are concerned about being equal with men.  God has established the reality that men and women are both equal before God in value and esteem, what is different is assigned roles. Each role is equally valuable in the economy of God.  We mess up and lose out on God's blessing when we confuse the roles and refuse to do our part.

Ladies, do you understand that God has assigned you the role of NOT being in charge, of not calling the shots?  Acknowledging the headship of your husband and submitting to him is not based upon your husband's desire or plans, but such is God's assigned role for you.  God will not hold you accountable for the headship of your family while you fulfill your role.  Are you willing to do God's will?  It is not based upon whether your husband is right or wrong, but on God's instruction.  Your husband's status is God's business, because God has assigned him a role that he is accountable to God for.  Granted, there is provision for the wife who is threatened with physical violence, in I Corinthians 7:10-11.  God's assigned role for Christian wives is not easy and requires a lot of help from the Lord.  But, there is a blessing that accompanies that role that no man was given.

God's glorious power given to godly Christian wives only!

"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." I Peter 3:1-2

Here is a wonderful power given by God to women who are fully surrendered to the lordship of Christ.  The power to win an unbelieving husband to Christ, when he will not be influenced by the Bible.  He may be won by the influence of the sweet, godly spirit and lifestyle of his wife.  This is not a guarantee that he will be saved, but that he "may" still be won even though he has rejected the Bible.  This is more than "let your light shine" which is given to all Christians.  Imagine ladies, the power to influence an unbelieving husband for Christ, by being surrendered to Christ and fulfilling your assigned role in marriage!  Is a lost husband's soul worth your submission to Christ and your husband?  Of course it is!

If a godly, surrendered wife may win an unbelieving husband to Christ, how much of a greater blessing may she be a part of with a believing husband, and even more so one that is himself surrendered to Christ, endeavoring to fulfill his role in marriage.  Her influence in her role will certainly encourage and enable her husband to serve God with greater strength and courage.  When a godly wife encourages her husband to serve God by her surrender to the Lord and her submission to her husband she is helping to fulfill God's instruction to her in Ephesians 5:33, " the wife see that she reverence her husband." 

Remember, the godly wife's role is not to be under the thumb of her husband, but to be submitted to his headship and reverence him, because that is God's designed role for her and His calling on her life.

Marriage By Design

Marriage is a designer relationship.  Regardless of how the Johnny-come-lately designers wish to redefine this designer relationship, the original designer has created a unique relationship, different than any other relationship experienced by humanity.  His design has worked marvelously since the beginning of time.  Sure, there are people who attempted to live this designer relationship and failed, but it is always because of the neglect, of one or both parties, to follow the guidelines of the designer.  Truly, if one doesn’t follow the recipe, then the cake comes out of the oven, noticeably different than the picture in the cookbook.  We cannot blame the designer, if we don’t follow the plans for His design.  Hopefully, we aren’t naïve enough to believe we can mix ingredients willy-nilly off the shelf, throw the mix in the oven and expect it to come out looking and tasting like the carefully designed and tested original recipe?  I would hope not!

Why then would we expect that a unique relationship like marriage, designed by God, would turn out successfully, without following the design of the relationships creator?  As a disciple of Christ Jesus and a Bible believer, I look to the Bible for basic information on everything and do my best to allow my Lord to give me direction for my life, including marriage.  What I find is, that the first marriage described in the Bible is in Genesis 2:15-25.

“And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.  And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.  And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

This is God’s basic requirement for marriage. It is one man and one woman, under the authority and design of God, for life.  He did not include an escape clause if life got hard (divorce).  He did not give control of the design to any human government, either civil or ecclesiastical.  He did not give the authority to declare a couple married, to any of the above governments.  Human cultures and governments have taken God’s design and placed it under the umbrellas of either civil or ecclesiastical powers to be valid.  I maintain that a marriage does not require or benefit from a license granted by church or state.  An embossed piece of paper or a pronouncement by pastor, priest or probate does nothing to cement the union of marriage.  If the man and woman do not have the commitment to each other and God’s design, no piece of paper or ceremony will make it stronger.  Rather, the license appears to many that have it, as a sentence of confinement.  Somehow our culture has gotten the idea that the license and ceremony, in some way, make the marriage valid and concrete.  Sadly, the statistics for the last seventy years show that to be false.  The divorce rate in our western culture has continued to climb unabated.  For a time, those in churches and religious in their lifestyle held the line on fidelity, but now there is virtually no difference in the divorce rate between secular and religious.  Such statistics prove that neither license or ceremony have any validity in securing a stable marriage.

What has changed is that we have allowed our culture, secular and religious, to redefine and attempt to redesign that which God gave us as a designer relationship.  For us to have the designed results, we must follow the designer’s plan (recipe).  God designed marriage to be the closest thing to a heavenly relationship possible on Earth, but for many, many, people it is closer to Hell than Heaven.  The marriage relationship is the only institution created by God, before the fall of mankind into sin, yet it endures.  Marriage endures in a sinful world and because of sin; married people have problems that would not have existed before the fall into sin.  The answer to this problem is not to redesign the relationship, but rather to adhere as closely as possible to the original design of the first “designer relationship”.  We are foolish, indeed if we can expect God to bless our design over His own design for marriage.

Let’s look at God’s designer relationship as found in the Bible, for a pattern for ours.  In the scripture verses above and everywhere else in the Bible, we find that there are only two people in the relationship, one man and one woman.  According to the scripture, even in-laws are not in the marriage, hence the instruction for a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife.  The two become one flesh, both in their sexual union, and also as starting a new family unit.  Here is what we see in Genesis 2 in order of occurrence. 

1. God made the man and put him in the Garden of Eden.
2. God gave the man a job (dress and keep the garden).
3. God gave the man a commandment.
4. God acknowledged that it was not good for the man to be alone and committed to making a helper for him.
5. God made from the ground, a sampling of all the creatures listed there, for the Adam to name them, but there was no one like Adam to be a helper for him.  Humorously, I think this was to dispel the later myth that a dog is aman’s best friend.
6. God put Adam to sleep and removed a rib.
7. From the rib, God made the first woman.
8. God brought the woman to Adam.
9. They were both naked and unashamed.

God, not being the author of confusion, would have us learn from the order of His creation for His design for marriage.  Because of what we see in this list, we are able to join with other scriptures and come to a good understanding of His designer relationship.

1. Note that God made Adam first; He gave him the task of dressing and keeping the garden, along with that was the commandment about the two trees in the middle of the garden.  This reveals to us that in God’s design the man has the role of leadership and ultimate responsibility for the relationship.  See also the words given by God for the Apostle Paul to write to the Corinthians and for our benefit:  1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.  For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
2. No matter how many men think that they are independent and self-sufficient, God has another opinion and He said that it is not good for the man to be alone.  His opinion is the one that counts and God designed women to be very important in a man’s life.
3. The woman (Eve) that God created for Adam is unlike any and all of the animals in creation.  Both Adam and Eve are created in the image and likeness of God.  She is most like Adam, different, but complimentary.  That’s why the pieces of the body fit together.  That is why skills are not duplicated but compliment each other.  That is why personalities are unique and different, not the same.  They are to be a blessing to each other.
4. The woman is to be the helper of the man in his God given tasks, not pursuing a separate career path.  He leads, she helps.  In today’s world, one of the biggest design errors is the lack of direction or mission for the man.  Too many flounder and the women are unable to help.
5. The man and the woman were of one flesh, by way of original creation.  The man was made from the dust and the woman was made from his flesh and bone.  They and all subsequent couples become one flesh again, via copulation, not a license or pronouncement of any external authority.  If the man and woman do not have the commitment to each other and God’s design, no piece of paper or ceremony will make it stronger. 
6. “They were naked and unashamed”.  Sexual relations between spouses are not in any way sinful, dirty, immoral or any other negative description that can be conceived.  Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”  Marital sex ought not to be a public exercise, but private.  Within that privacy there is a part of the designer relationship that reflects the intimacy and delight of Christ with His people.
7. The relationship between the couple reflects not only the intimacy that exists between Christ and His people but also the love that He has for His people and their glad submission to Him.  Ephesians 5:32-33,  “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”  Men are to love their wives as Christ loves His churches; standing in front to protect, provide and embrace them.  Women are to treat their husband with the same respect, fear and admiration that they offer up to Christ.  Failure on the part of either party detracts from the effectiveness of God’s design.

In light of the above information, we may come to these conclusions:

• Marriage is a divinely created institution for the benefit of mankind.  It is between one man and one woman only.  Old Testament saints that were clearly and certainly, under the blessing of God, were also frequently polygynists (sometimes commanded to be so), but each marriage was between one man and one woman.  In this type of situation, the designer relationship is unchanged; it is just that men may, for certain purposes have multiple such relationships. 
• In our world today, there are many individuals and large groups that would attempt to redefine marriage to include relationships between same sex couples.  This is not new to our time.  Such relationships existed even in antiquity and up to modern times across the world.  It is not the business of governments, either civil or ecclesiastical to be involved in the personal lives of private citizens.  Many good and honest people are involved in such relationships.    I would like to see our culture exclude giving particular benefits to married couples that are not extended to couples in other styles of relationship.  I do not want to see marriage redefined, to enable all to have equal benefit under the law.  I am neither advocating nor attempting to control the type of interpersonal relationships available to consenting adults.  We should be able to exercise our liberty to proclaim the Biblical concept of marriage without forcing others, by virtue of legal authority to conform to our point of view.  Liberty for one requires liberty for all.  Accepting the Biblical rule must be a matter of conscience.
• Marriage licenses or ecclesiastical approval are not required for a couple to be genuinely married under God.
• For God’s designer relationship to be successful we must operate according to His instructions.  This involves His order.  Men must have a mission and purpose that the women can support them in.  Men are to be the leaders in their families and not foist that responsibility on to the shoulders of their helpers.  Helpers are to help, not direct or criticize.  Be a blessing, not a barrier.

Final thought:  When a man and woman come together in this designer relationship, it is their personal integrity that keeps them together.  Do not rely on hopes of changing someone or legal status to make a successful marriage.  Make the commitment, celebrate with friends and family, then go on and live your life to the fullest.